Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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