you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
