I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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