I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
