Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
