THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
