How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You brought string cheese to the strip club
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
