I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
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there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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