he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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