You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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