He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
