Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
