There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
