He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize