I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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