You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
