He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Found your dick twin last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
