I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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