just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
