I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
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Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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