New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
