do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize