I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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