I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
