Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
