well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
