Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I need a burrito and a hug.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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