its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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