So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
