I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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