I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize