Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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