i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
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A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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