Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
