I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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