He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just want nice things and good sex
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
