I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
