Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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