How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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