20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
where are my eyebrows?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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