I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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