New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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