it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
