I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
