And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
