The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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