You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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