I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
