she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
