My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize