Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Two words: blizzard sex
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
