I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
