i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
