um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
