Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I sprained my soul last night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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