During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Who died my cat blue again?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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