Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
