My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
